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Judy Hanmer posted an update in the group
4 years agoThere is something here about the need to build the sort of community where people are able to talk about their emotional responses to situations. When I was a young mother I was lucky enough to live on a new estate where we took it in turns to meet in each other’s houses and talked in the kitchen over a mug of coffee about whatever we were feeling at the time. Perhaps that sort of thing doesn’t happen any more when the pressure is on for women to succeed in their work in the same way as men? I know this is an unfashionable thing to say and I felt a lot of frustration myself at not being able to work in the areas that interested me when I had young children, but maybe the present situation has enabled people to look at patterns of work in a fresh way and to see that valuing family and community can sometimes be more important than success. Certainly those other women taught me a lot, even if they didn’t succeed in teaching me to bake cakes!
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Thanks, Judy. I agree that this pandemic crisis has made everyone rethink their values and priorities. I certainly have thought more ‘locally’ (“What is within walking distance?”) as well as Zoom IT for remote connections. Rebuilding compassionate communities (and families) is exactly where my heart and Emotional Logic sits. EL provides the ‘kinaesthetic tools’ to connect deeper than words, so that our words become more informed by values and empathic understanding of each other. It gives a powerful language to talk about our unique spiritual experiences and how those have altered our values and behaviour.
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I loved Marian’s description of how she felt a duffer because she couldn’t cope with the technology of her computer. I’m beginning to understand the anger I feel about being expected to run my life in an entirely different way when I am in my eighties. My daughters and granddaughters try to help but because I feel like an incompetent student I am unable to profit from their advice. Will work on it! Am beginning to understand people who switch off as far as learning is concerned because a teacher tells them that they are incompetent.
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‘Speaking Life’ EL learning clubs, or ‘Circles of Trust’, this type of informed social connection is the way to recover a sense of community when social media pushes out politicized misinformation and hardened or divisive opinions. Upskilling ways to talk constructively about the emotions (not feelings!) raised by local and relevant issues will enable a heart-to-heart connection to grow. Then anger will not be a sign of bad character or aggression or just a fighting spirit, but a sign of something important and valuable being challenged that needs a response.
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I have been helping to set up and participating in small groups of this kind over the past twenty five years. They usually begin with some sort of focus, but often then morph into a safe space where people can discuss emotions and current preoccupations. I met today with one group which has been going for twenty plus years but has not been able to meet (except occasionally on zoom) for the last two years, and we were able to take up where we left off. It has been a great source of encouragement and solace over the years, helping us through bereavements, health scares, family problems etc.
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